its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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