I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
