How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
