Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
