people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
