This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
