It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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