I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
