So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
