lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
