well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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