that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
