i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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