let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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