FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
