Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
