the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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