I'm jealous of your bromance
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize