Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
