I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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