Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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