I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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