OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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