You're my little dorito
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
