he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
