I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
