i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
