Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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