Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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