you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
