By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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