just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone came in the potted fern
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
