She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
