summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
