I just pynch a tree in the face
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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