I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
