it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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