I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So vagazzling was a success
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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