Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
