She is in my trunk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
