i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish you could order shots online.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
