So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
