He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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