I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
