vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
