Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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