Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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