he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
