: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
