When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
