Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
