Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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