So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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