you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
