Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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