A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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