I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
