So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
