I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
