Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
