non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
