So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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