Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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