Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
