I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
